she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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