I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
