She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
