we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
