On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
