He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
