bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Randomize
