dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
