I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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