Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
