You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
