Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This baby is an asshole
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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