so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
