I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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