Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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