I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Randomize
