I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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