They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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