the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
