There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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