I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
