exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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