i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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