Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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