I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
