Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We named our party play list daddy issues
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
