So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
A+ Viking dick
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
