last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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