I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
