my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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