I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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