There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
