so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
