whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
