glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
