The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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