we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
