i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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