Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
