u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
