That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Randomize
