He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
