So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
