The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
