6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
