I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
