maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
