After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
