i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
