I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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