Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
