Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
