my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
